


If I Should Fall

by leet911



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Diamond Dust Tattoo, F/F, Spoilers, Temporary Character Death, revivify
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leet911/pseuds/leet911
Summary: Beau has a lot of close calls with death.  One time Jester casts revivify.  One time Caduceus does.  And one time neither of them can.Or, Jester asks for divine intervention.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 8
Kudos: 167





	If I Should Fall

**Author's Note:**

> This was also partly inspired by Taliesin's comment on Talks Machina about Jester using the diamonds in her tattoo to revive someone.

* * *

The first time that Jester casts revivify on Beau is not the first time Beau falls in battle. But it's the first time she sees Beau stop breathing. So Jester is running, blood pounding in her temples, and she feels like her own heart has stopped too.

She knows of course, that they prepared for this situation, that this was always a possibility. So she skids down alongside Beau and rolls the monk onto her back. One blue hand is reaching into her pouch for the diamonds, and the other is checking Beau for wounds. There are the obvious ones, the gash across Beau's forehead, a deep slash running down the length of her arm. Jester's worried about that one. That one is bleeding out all over the ground. But Beau still isn't breathing.

 _Focus!_ She holds her symbol of the Traveler over Beau's torso, winces at the way the ribs give so easily.

"Caduceus!" She screams, before launching into the spell.

The magic is familiar and comforting, the chanting building to a rapid crescendo as the spell is released. Above them, a ghostly hooded cloak appears and flutters in a breeze that isn't there. The diamonds shatter silently, turning into a cloud of glitter that drifts around Beau, forming an impenetrable fog.

They both gasp at the same time, Beau taking in air, and Jester out of pure relief. Beau coughs, then groans, then wheezes. The bleeding has stopped, but with consciousness comes pain.

Jester whispers another prayer to the Traveler, channeling the magic once more, and Beau's wounds close a little. The rib bones knit back together, and Beau's breathing becomes a little less laboured.

It's only then that Jester sits on the ground and takes stock of the scene around them. Despite her earlier cry, Caduceus is not close. He and Nott are helping Caleb up, and Caleb is retching. Yasha is running her sword through the bodies of each demonic creature around them, just to be sure. And Fjord is beside her now, with the power of the Wildmother coursing through his hands, bringing Beau back just a bit more.

"Thanks," Beau says, spitting blood to clear her mouth. "I needed that."

Fjord can only nod. His face is scratched too, though only on the surface, and long jagged grooves trace down the front of his armor. They had come quite close today.

Beau's eyes drift over to Jester, "Thank you, too. For saving me."

Jester takes Beau's hand and squeezes it. She doesn't mention that Beau is the one who did the saving, who tackled the demon that was about to cleave Fjord. She doesn’t mention that Beau is far too selfless, that she can’t always be the one to take the hit. Jester could have revived Fjord just as easily, and maybe Beau doesn’t need to risk herself quite so often, and maybe Jester worries just a little more about Beau than Fjord. Maybe Jester worries about Beau much more than she should.

* * *

The first time that Jester can't revive Beau, Caduceus is nearby and Jester feels weak. She is exhausted after too many hours on the run and too many battles. They all are. So she cries out when Beau falls, because she knows there are no spells left. "Caduceus! Help!"

Nott is holding the line as best she can, trying to keep enemies away from Beau, but her crossbow seems so puny in the face of advancing giants. Caduceus hears Jester cry. He puts his shield up and head down, starts a charge towards Beau. His cloud of insects follow, swarming around him to drive apart their foes. One particularly stubborn giant bars his path though, and when the shield runs into the giant’s knee, it’s Caduceus who gets knocked back.

He’s still too far from Beau. And Jester has no magic, so she finds herself racing towards the giant, axe in hand.

She swings for the back of the leg, the same way she imagines one would fell a tree. She’s no lumberjack though, and metal greaves deflect her swipe. But the giant roars and turns towards her, forgetting the prone firbolg, and that’s all the opening Caduceus needs. He’s up again, headed to Beau, fumbling with his pack for the spell components.

Jester doesn’t have time to watch. Her shield comes up as an enormous mace arcs towards her head. She catches the blow on the shield, but still it drives her to one knee, and her arm goes numb. The mace rises again, and Jester can’t get her shield arm moving. _I hope Caduceus has an extra revivify._

It’s the roar of thunder that saves her, Fjord touching her back and teleporting both of them alongside Nott. In their wake, a shockwave rocks the area, and pushes the giant back into its friends. Caleb follows up with a fireball, roasting many of their pursuers and routing the remainder.

“Let us leave this place,” the wizard muses, “I don’t have any of those left.”

Jester turns to see Caduceus finish the spell. The diamonds placed near Beau sprout vines and leaves that curl around her body. Warm light emanates from the vines and the sound of wind can be heard, even though the air is heavy and stagnant around them. Beau breathes, then groans as she always does.

“I don’t have any of those left either,” the firbolg adds.

They leave the area in single file, crossing the broken land as fast as their worn bodies will let them. Jester follows right behind Beau. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“You don’t always have to be the one to save me.”

But Jester wants to be, and she doesn’t understand that. She is grateful for Caduceus, she just doesn’t understand why her stomach turns every time Beau takes a hit, why her heart stops every time Beau falls. Sometimes, Jester feels like she’s the only one who cares enough for Beau, and that scares her.

* * *

The second time that Jester can’t revive Beau, Caduceus is right next to her, but he isn’t any help either. They are running down tunnels to escape an ambush, pursuit still hot on their heels. There are too many crazed warriors back there, too many high priests of the Angel of Irons.

Yasha is leading the way. She has Beau draped over one shoulder in an unceremonious caveman carry, but they weren’t about to leave her behind. Fjord is hobbling, trudging alongside them with his sword as a walking stick, trying hard to catch his breath. Jester knows it’s only his relentless endurance that kept him going through that last fight. Beau’s body is limp though, far too inert, her life force stolen by the dark magic of the high priests.

“Dead end!” Yasha yells as she comes to a sudden stop. “We make our stand here.” There’s a small widening of the cavern, but nothing more. The rough tunnel simply comes to an abrupt end.

Gently, the barbarian slides Beau to the ground, careful not to knock her head on the stone floor. She points, “Caleb, start casting.” Then she draws her greatsword and moves to block the tunnel. The wizard complies.

“Do you have any diamonds?” Jester asks Caduceus, because her pockets are empty, her magic is spent, and she doesn’t want to think about the fact that Beau has been dead for far too long already.

“I used mine for Caleb yesterday.”

“I don’t have any spells left.”

“Me neither.”

They look at each other, two clerics kneeling over Beau’s prone form, and now they do need a miracle. Jester’s hands are starting to shake, and her legs are going numb.

Fjord starts a prayer to Melora. Caduceus joins, and their chanting is haunting and melodic, in a language Jester doesn’t understand, and for a moment she lets herself believe that somehow this will work. Somehow, Beau will wake up, and they will laugh and cry like all those other times they’ve done this before. But Beau remains quiet, motionless.

The prayer goes for what seems like a long time, before gradually coming to a close, and Caduceus takes a haggard breath. Beau has not moved, and all around, there is only silence.

Then Caduceus starts speaking again, and this time it’s the beginning of a death rite. Nott's hand is on Jester’s shoulder, and Fjord is trying to lay a cloak over Beau’s face.

“No!” Jester screams, “No, no, no, no, no!” She breaks free from her friends, wraps Beau in a hug, and she does something that’s never worked before.

Jester asks for divine intervention.

It's half prayer, and half fervent wishing, because Beau is dead and Jester doesn't have anything left except faith and love. Time slows down, and her vision narrows like the scrying spell, until there’s nothing but Beau, unmoving on the ground. Beyond this tiny bubble, the others are out of focus and frozen in time.

“They say you're not a real god, but you are, right? You can fix this?”

_My little seed of joy and chaos… I can do this for you. But gods demand sacrifice._

"Anything."

There is just a tug at first, underneath the skin of her chest. Then the fire spreads suddenly, and Jester is screaming, her tattoo glowing. Slivers of blood seep from the ink as the diamond dust contained within is drawn out of her body. An explosion of sparkling dust and bloody mist expands to fill the room, then draws back towards Beau and rushes into her body.

Beau’s back arches and her limbs twitch.

Jester blinks, and the world is still blurry. Even when the pain settles to a dull throb, she cannot make out anything beyond herself and Beau. But Beau is still here, breathing. Beau’s eyes are open now, and Beau is looking back at her. So Jester cries.

The front of her dress is ruined, shredded and bloodied. Beau traces her fingers over what's left of the tattoo, the lines of scars that no longer glow with magic. "Why would you give up so much for me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

Beau’s face softens, as though she just came to a realization, as though she has a truth to reveal. But before she can, reality rushes in around them, and chaos returns. In the distance there is the sound of fading laughter.

The real world is loud. Yasha is enraged, wings out, blocking the view of her weary friends from pursuers down the tunnel. They can see her sword swinging and hear the ring of steel. Nott is flitting back and forth, firing through the entrance. Caleb is finishing the teleportation circle, with Caduceus nearby, shielding him from the cavern entrance. “Ready!”

Beau is coughing, seeming much more frail than just a moment ago. But Fjord is there, and he starts dragging the monk towards the circle even before Jester regains her wits enough to help him.

The teleportation is sudden, and wrenching, as it always is. They appear at their house in Xhorhas, Jester with Fjord and Beau, followed quickly by the others, one at a time.

Collectively, there is a huge sigh, and they all collapse onto the cold floor. For many minutes, there is only heavy breathing, and for some reason, Beau is the first one to sit up.

She reaches out to Jester, places her hands over the tiefling's. "Thank you," Beau says, and she looks away before adding, "I love you."

And maybe it's her injuries, or the stress, or the ringing in their ears from the teleportation, but Jester swears Beau's tone is softer this time. She thinks Beau means it in a different way. Because these aren't words that they've never said to each other before.

So Jester pulls Beau into another hug. "I love you too, Beau."

Jester can't help but smile. And she knows they shouldn’t take this lightly, this near miss of death, but she feels powerful and loved and free. Because even if she isn’t sure exactly how or why they are saving the world sometimes, Jester is sure about saving Beau.

* * *


End file.
